I have no great pearls of wisdom to share today. Just that I'm happy and at peace, it feels so nice to NOT be wound up into anything, to not have the NEED that I used to for drama. Oh yes I used to need drama to live! The only way I knew how to be was in panic mode. WOW that was exhausting! But the drama fueled my need to be the center of attention and to be involved with someone else. It's the only way I really knew how to interact. Let me back track and explain the WHY. When I was a child I was very sick, I had several surgeries and my life (and my families) revolved around my health. So you can see how once I was an adult (and healthier) I didn't really know another way, it felt natural to be in this constant drama cycle because that is what I grew up in. It took lots of therapy to realize what I was doing and why. Now I detest dram, I avoid it at all costs (which is tricky since I'm a woman and that in and of itself leads to some inevitable drama). I love the peace and calm that comes from not having constant SUPER HIGHS and devastating lows. Yes to be moderated might not be glamorous or glorious but it is comforting.
The idea of achieving a balance has been my goal since I was diagnosed with BiPolar disorder. The condition certainly complicates the mission. My body does not properly regulate chemicals in my brain that affect mood and decision making which makes everyday a test on overcoming obstacles. However practice makes perfect and I have become very efficient at evaluating myself and making adjustments accordingly. I understand triggers and cures and when to ask for help. My life is not perfect and I am not always happy but I am always grateful to have a life to be unhappy about.
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