For what seems like forever I have been striving to be something better than I am, a more refined version of me. I've always thought that self improvement was the path to enlightenment and happiness. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. I will say knowing what I know now that a part of me still believes ignorance is bliss. Truly when we don't see our own faults we have to take no accountability for our actions or our relationships; it's always someone elses fault. When you are aware of yourself and others it can be a frustrating battle to "get it right".
For me the biggest turning point was becoming a mother. Nothing has brought "me" into clearer and sometimes harsh focus. What my son will think of me as he grows is a constant thought for me. Will he remember me as someone who was honest and always kept her word? Will he remember that no matter what storm we were weathering she was positive and faithful? Will he want to be like me? This has been the best motivation to become the person I want to be. My son will learn who to be by my actions. I can not expect him to be a better person than I am without first striving to BE the best person I can. My highest ambition for my son is that he will have balance in his life, that he will be successful without being greedy, he will be giving but not a door mat, he will love himself but be able to put others first. I pray every day that when the day comes that I am called to heaven and cannot be actively in his life any longer that he will still feel my abundant love and hold me in high esteem always.
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